Another dream dashed.
“Keep your chin up, Charissa. It’s all good.” I’m trying to get better at personal pep talks.
I look to my right. The sun was melting beneath the horizon and it felt like, once again, darkness was crawling my way. Just a sliver of glowing light left.
“Jesus, when will I catch a break?”, I feel a familiar shiver. I had my heart set on a life filled with sunshine…beams of light that represented something that was becoming dear to me. Now that light at the end of the tunnel was slipping away.
Then a nudge to look over my left shoulder. A small gasp escapes my mouth. The moon is rising…exactly at the same time as the sun disappears. Maybe this happens often, but I’ve never seen it. God speaks to me, “As your sun sets, I will cause the moon to rise.”
As the sun sinks, the words do too. It’s almost like He is right behind me. I hear Him whisper, “I want to give you the moon.”
I take a picture of the sun and the moon (a couple minutes apart), I don’t want to forget.
(The picture shows the moon right past the fences…you’ll have to read my post about fences, to understand why that brought a smile to my face. So many truths colliding!)
A spark. A flicker. He has brought me back and He makes me come alive. My sun, whatever ray of hope I was clinging to, had left…but it was ok. More than ok. When I gave my life completely to God, I wanted Him to take it and use it the way He wanted. His plans over mine.
That’s still my heart.
In the dark, I want to bring attention to the purest Light. The darker the sky, the brighter the Light.
Forgive me as I try to explain my scattered right brain…but words, phrases, and music come to my mind in colours and pictures. The phrase “coming alive” echoes a lot these days, but they’ve been washed in vibrant, deep colours of a sunset…red, orange, yellow. I didn’t think twice about that until today.
It’s through the sun setting that he makes me ALIVE.
This last year and a half have been the hardest of my life. I graduated college and realized I wasn’t suppose to pursue what I had just spent two years of my life on…that same day my nephew had a tragic accident and has never been the same. I lost a job. I hit my all-time financial low and couldn’t pay my rent. My last grandparent died. A messy relationship. Then my accident which resulted in losing my car, moving back in with my parents, leaving my church/friends, and spending weeks on my back in pain. It felt like everything I valued was stripped from me.
It’s not a sob story, all of these things are nothing in compare to what others have gone through. I praise God for what HE has done, but I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that many of my dreams died.
But you know what? I’m glad they’re gone. I wouldn’t trade any of my dreams, or the hard things, for an ocean of sunshine.
I’m thank God my sun has set, because when it comes down to it…I’d rather have the moon.